Reflections from an Imperfect Perfectionist

I recently took an online quiz that helps identify your organizational style and got a lot more than I bargained for. Turns out, the results were spot on and I was classified as a “cricket” according to the “Clutterbug Quiz.” The definition of a cricket is someone who “loves visual simplicity and organizational abundance. You prefer your everyday items out of sight, but are a bit of a perfectionist and a very detail oriented person.”

Cass, the author, goes on to say that crickets “tend to prefer minimal visual clutter in their homes and work spaces. Crickets also prefer detailed, Micro-Organizing systems and are often a bit of perfectionists when it comes to setting up and using these systems. Once an organizing system is in place, the Cricket will have no problem following it. Crickets are often quite organized and maybe even a bit over organized. Sometimes perfection can be paralyzing!”

I’ve italicized it for emphasis, but did you notice a reoccurring theme in her explanation? The word perfectionist jumped off the page to me - three times - and in a way that kind of hurt my feelings. To me, a perfectionist is basically someone who is fussy for no good reason. They might be hard to get along with because they’re set in their ways and have difficulty adapting to new circumstances or other’s perspectives. Yikes, if that’s how a perfectionist is defined, I really really don’t want to be one.

So, this post isn’t going to be about organizing, or at least not in the traditional sense. Putting words to my definition of perfectionist sparked some thought: Is this how others see me? Is this how I see myself? Is that how it should actually be defined? I became self-conscious, adapting a fear that others might think I am “over organized” and therefore find me unrelatable and my ideas unrealistic.

But denying that I have perfectionist tendencies is also not helpful because as Cass says, “perfectionism can be paralyzing,” and I’ve found that to be true in my own life. Sometimes I delay starting something until I know I can see it all the way through. Or I don’t start something because I have a fear of failing. Or I never pursue it because I doubt my ability.

To put it shortly, I felt called out and ashamed of being noted as a possible perfectionist. I knew I needed to work through it because these insecurities were holding me back from expressing myself in conversations and through my writing. Not to mention silently tormenting myself in my mind. I was feeling tired of being held-back by my insecurities and was ready to move forward.

Thankfully over the past few months, I have been taking Coaching Classes at Western Seminary. A lot of the homework for these classes involve receiving coaching by other peers and professionals, which has been a great avenue for me to bring up this subject and do the work my heart needs.

If you are unfamiliar with coaching, it is essentially a safe-space for you to process whatever you need to with the purpose of moving forward. The coach’s job is to help you achieve your goals by getting you on the most direct path to achieving them. A coach really listens, asks powerful questions and provides insights that help you move forward with new awareness and motivation.

As a testimony to its power, this website, blog and article would 100% not exist if I had never received coaching. In fact, I had the vision of starting a blog for two years before I actually did it. After my first coaching experience, I had my website built with two articles posted within the week. I‘m not exaggerating when I say it felt like a miracle that I was finally able to get these ideas out of my head and into something more tangible. I think it was an actual miracle, the beautiful everyday sort of miracle.

Sometimes when I see others putting themselves out there in a way that I admire and resonate with - whether they are another mother, my neighbor, an artist, author or creator of some other sort - it’s hard for me not to think in some way that “I could totally do that too!” But then later have fear of failure or other insecurity that prevents me from ever actually doing it. In those moments, what distinguishes me from them is certainly not a matter of talent, but that they have actually have the courage to do the thing!

Through coaching and other forms of encouragement, I’ve begun to cultivate my courage to try new things and it feels amazing to experience my potential unlocking. A big revelation that I’ve had in terms of working though my perfectionism is that I have a passion for excellence.

The truth is, I am not a fussy perfectionist. I am a strategic and relational thinker who pursues excellence for the Glory of God and for the good of others, especially those I love. I am made uniquely with certain strengths that differentiate me from others, which is not something to be ashamed of, but celebrated! And the same is true for you! I am far from perfect, but I work hard because doing my best feels right. It is truly satisfying to me when things are done well and others are blessed by my efforts. I am redeeming my previous definition of perfectionist and claiming my identity as someone who passionately pursues excellence for a purpose. Yes, I have a passion for excellence, and I believe in living life on purpose!

The more I mature into my identity in Christ, the more I desire to live every moment within His will. Maybe you have the expectation that being a Christian means you are supposed to be “perfect,” but the truth is that coming to true faith in Christ means just the opposite. Accepting Christ requires you to admit to yourself, to God, to others that you fall short every day. It means that you acknowledge your need for a savior - that you need saving from yourself and from the deceptions of this world - and that you accept and invite Christ to step in to fulfill this role in your life that only He can.

When I do find myself wandering outside of God's will, it’s usually because I’m dealing with a self-righteous pride in my abilities or shame that I am different from others and their expectations. I earnestly don’t want to waste any more years or minutes of this life wandering off track. He and I both know I will never reach perfection on this side of eternity, and that’s ok… it’s actually true freedom.

Well, there we have it. A few reflections from an imperfect perfectionist. This has been a difficult post for me to wrap up because it has been a lot to process and I ironically struggled with with the motivation to make it perfect. Once I had awareness of this (thank you, coaching) God, through His grace, relieved me of my unrealistic expectations. My only job is to continue surrendering to Him, listening to His voice and then walk obediently as He directs my steps. Where those steps lead are up to Him, but I’m excited to be on the journey and to have you along with me!

If you’d like to take the Clutterbug Quiz (it is really insightful) here is a link. https://clutterbug.me/what-clutterbug-are-you-test Let me know what your results are in the comments!

If you’d like to learn more about coaching, or potentially receive coaching from me, feel free to connect through the new coaching tab on my website. I'd love to see you there!

Blessings, Lauren